Unexpected

So here's the deal-e-o:

My stomach is upset about 95% of the time, but I've only actually ralphed once, which is good (I guess). I'm continuously looking for some type of food or beverage item that makes the pain go away for more than 15-30 minutes; even ginger snaps don't help.

Here's the part I didn't expect: I WANT to be 100% ecstatic about the baby (now nicknamed Yoda-Monster). I WANT to be able to enjoy every minute of it. However, in reality, I'm half-hunched over in pain most of the time. Isn't morning sickness supposed to be, like, in the morning and then go away? Or even at night and then go away? Pretty much anytime but then go away? It's not with me. It's there, like a puppy following me no matter where I go and what I do. I find myself ecstatic, but at the same time, wishing for this phase to be long gone and out of memory. I pray that it lasts only these next few weeks. I feel like I'm not sure how much more I can take...and I'm only 6 weeks along. AHHH!!!

Another crabbiness not on this topic is that I'm doing the most boring job EVER at my work right now. This book is going to drive me insane.

Honestly, though, I know it's not that bad and I should really just get over it, but even when I get in the mindset that it's not that bad and I won't let it bother me anymore, the pain's totally still there. I swear it's not all psychological. I can't control it.

And admitting my not-total-happiness makes me feel like a bad and selfish person and a horrible mom, but I figure being honest is always the best policy (and might just help dull the owies).